Soul of a Healer
by Caer
Summary: Finally decided to continue this... with all the sweet reviews and Suzako no hi slapping my wrists at every turn. kiss Thank you, sweetie. RyuxTohma fluff. Cheesy, sappy, angsty, mystery.
1. Default Chapter

Hi all! This is my first attempt at anything besides Gundam Wing, so please forgive me if it's not adequate.  I like rare pairings, so you won't see much of the common pairings from me.  I don't know if I'll have lemon in this or not… I guess I'll just see where it takes me.  This fic is for Diana who is my lovely lovely beautiful friend across the see, who could use some cheering up.  Aaaaand a super huge smooch and many thanks to Triste who was kind enough to beta this for me.

And away we go!

"Soul of a Healer"

Two bourbons with ice sat half-drained on the elegant glass kitchen table beside two sets of matching paperwork.  These were the only things to mar the cold, clear surface besides the muted reflections of two very lost people about to complete the promise made eight years hence.

Mika looked over at her slender husband, noticing that he had the same lost expression she was sure was on her face.  The papers were finally signed and after twelve years, it was over.  In some ways, the excitement of fast living had made the time pass swiftly, and yet, sadly, the anticipation had lengthened the time immeasurably.

Mika thought it surely must have been worse for her husband.  He had endured so much and had been faithful to their marriage.  He had to.  He was the president of NG and a keyboardist for Nittle Grasper, one of the biggest rock groups to ever rise in Japan.  His life was under constant scrutiny and therefore her life was only her own if he stayed faithful.

She, on the other hand had had ample time to visit her lover in New York whenever she pleased.  She wasn't in the spotlight like he was.  He must have been lonely, though he never complained.  He even came to New York on occasion with her, if only to spend a few days away from prying eyes.

Their marriage had been prearranged by their parents, who were both very strict, upstanding families.  They had never loved each other, though they had been friends.  But they had been slaves to the prestige of their respective clans and neither of them could escape it.   Both families had very respected names in Japan, but Mika's family had been in severe debt.  They had pressed this issue with her constantly and she had realized that the only way to take care of Tatsuha and Eiri would be to marry the little blond waif who cared nothing but for playing rock-star with that psychotic lost child Sakuma Ryuichi at the local hospital.

They had never before met.  Then, when Mika was 19, Tohma had come to see them.  He carried himself so well.  He had all the practiced elegance of his mother and the shrewd business sense of his father.  He had an uncanny way of looking larger than life when he wanted something.  Even within that slender body, he exuded a sort of unconscious power.   Most people were intimidated by him…many people hated him.  Very few realized the kind heart he really had.  Very few wanted to get close enough to see.  Perhaps this was why he spent so much time with Sakuma-san.  Sakuma-san always saw people for what they were underneath, but very rarely showed himself.

Mika had realized Tohma's kindness the fifth time he had come to visit.  She had tried to put on a good front, but had broken down, crying. He had held her, nervously begging for her to tell him what was wrong.   She confessed that she was in pain because she loved another, but she swore that she would stay true to him, that she wanted to help her family. She knew what was expected of her and she would learn to love him.  He stared at her, jaw open for a few minutes before smiling.   He wiped her tears and reassured her softly that she didn't have to do any of those things and that they would work something out.  It only occurred to her later that Tohma wasn't much interested in women.

Tohma too had been trapped into this situation.  If he did not comply, he would be disowned and abandoned.   He would be nobody.   Both his love for his family and a desire to satisfy his father had kept him a prisoner in this ignominy.  Besides, Tohma needed the power of the money he possessed.  He had his own dreams and he needed money with which to achieve them.  Without the money to start their band, he would not be in the position he was now.

That was when they made the deal.  When their parents died, they would separate.  Of course, Seguchi Tohma had made so much money now, but he never went back on their deal.  He cared for her so very much… and later, he cared for Eiri even more.   She had been uncomfortable with it at first, his growing love for her brother, but he never tried anything while he was a child.  

She noticed the attraction when Eiri had been about sixteen.  He was starting to fill out and look more like a man and less like a boy.  Suddenly, Tohma had become very careful around him, always looking out for him, always very kind.   He was very nervous around the boy.  As for Eiri, he had changed.  They had stayed in New York while Mika and her lover ran off to Mexico for a time.  Yuki had promised to take care of him, hiring a private tutor and renting him a separate apartment while they were there, helping the growing boy find some independence.  

Maybe it went too far to his head, for when she returned, he was cold to her, renouncing their family and determining to stay in New York, go to school and attempt to find a career in writing.  Tohma happily paid for it, saying how important it was to support burgeoning artists.  It made sense since he was becoming that himself.  Nittle Grasper was quickly climbing the charts after their second album and suddenly, there was the possibility of Tohma making enough money that he would no longer have to worry about his inheritance.  Mika had grown scared and continually reminded the blond of his promise for fear he would leave her and abandon her brothers.   He would always look at her sadly and assure her that he had no intention of abandoning her family.  That was how much he loved her little brother.

At nineteen, he had grown to be a strikingly handsome boy with dangerous eyes and a deep, entrancing voice.  His writing was only mildly received in the US, but in Japan, he was quickly becoming quite popular. So he moved back, able to stand on his own. He took an apartment in Tokyo and continued to hide in his apartment and write, occasionally attending signings and public appearances.  Tohma would watch him, entranced, but sad.  Finally, Mika had given him permission to court her brother if he so wished.   After all he had done for her, she could not be selfish that way.  He only looked at her, almost in fear, saying that he couldn't, but not denying that he loved the man.  So they had continued on with the status quo.

Until, three years later, Tohma's father passed away, having succumbed to colon cancer.  Her mother was dead, but her father was still alive. Tohma had enough money, with his inheritance and what Nittle Grasper had brought in however to substantially provide for the remaining family.  They agreed that the time had come.

So, now, they stood in their large kitchen, facing each other uncomfortably.  Out of the two, Tohma would be the lonely one.  Mika's lover was waiting for her in Italy, whereas Yuki had already found someone.  Tohma had even blessed their union. As long as Yuki was happy, he was happy, but Mika could see it eating him inside.  She felt guilty for leaving him at a time like this, but she had waited so long…

As usual, Tohma flashed his sunny smile at her. "Good luck, Mika-chan."  He hugged her gently and gave here some time on his shoulder to compose herself.  She backed away, eyes shining brightly.  He smiled.  "I hope you will be very happy," he said.

"Tohma.  Thank you."  She grabbed his shoulders and kissed him softly on the lips before turning and heading out.  Suddenly, she found herself looking back.  She wanted to tell him to find someone, wanted to tell him not to sit alone in that empty house.   She was so afraid for him.  Tohma simply smiled at her though with the same damned smile that had made everything final, as if everything would be all right.  She turned, determining to help him somehow.  

And so Mika left the blond, running out to her taxi and heading for New York and a new life.  As she looked back, she could see her ex husband through the sliding glass doors.  He stood in his bare feet on the cold red tile floor, alone in a house that was far too big.  She prayed that somehow things would be all right for him.  

Seguchi Tohma stood in the middle of his cold, sterile empty house and stared at nothing.  It was over.  Finally, their parents were dead and they were free from this arrangement, but the blond felt lost.  His life had been like this for nine years now.  It was part of him.  Now that Mika was gone, what was next?  What would he do now that he was alone? What was left?

Tachi Aizawa stared bitterly at the screen as NG's president smiled his sickly smile and told the interviewer about what made Nittle Grasper decide to tour again.

"To be honest, we were all a little tired out."  The blond laughed sweetly. "Noriko had a son and he was growing up without her.  Sakuma-san wanted to try touring America for a while.  I decided that we had enough assets that we should try starting our own studio, NG.  So far, we've been very successful and though the economy is bad, we have signed some top notch bands so far."

"That would include Bad Luck?"  the reporter asked as they faced each other in easy chairs in a fake living room on some studio lot.

Tohma smiled again.  "Ah.  I have a lot of confidence in Bad Luck.  Shindou Shuichi seemed a little shaky at first, but he has a heart for music that I want to endorse."

"It's true that for such a new band, their songs are surprisingly complex and exciting.   What about the former NG band, ASK?  They were doing so well and suddenly all but disappeared."

Aizawa's hand tightened on the beer he drank as he watched the haughty blond's eyes darken.

"Unfortunately, it was necessary to drop ASK's endorsement.  As small as NG is, we can only support so many new venues at this time and ASK was starting to collect some unsatisfactory rumors around certain… actions."

The reporter seemed to brighten at the suggestion of bad rumors.  "What sort of rumors if you please, Seguchi-san?"

The tall singer kept a cool front, tilting his head and smiling darkly.  "That isn't my place to say.  They were rumors after all.  Plus, I hear that ASK's band has been picked up by another studio.  If we could leave it at that."

There was a flash in the brown eyes of the powerful man that stopped the reporter on the spot and she returned to talking drivel about Bad Luck and Nittle Grasper's current tour.  Aizawa caught the look in the producer's eyes.  He could tell a lot from people's eyes. For instance, he knew that somewhere and at some time, Yuki Eiri had killed someone.   He knew that Shindou Shuichi was sensitive and easily shot down by insults, but would choose death, pain and shame over hurting the people he loved.  He also knew that cold arrogant bastard Seguchi Tohma who had ruined his career wanted to die.  He had seen it in the man's eyes when he asked what Yuki Eiri meant.  As he was pushed into the path of an oncoming car, Tachi could see the challenge in those eyes.

The singer stared at the shining glint of stainless steel sitting on his coffee table in the dark of the room and took another drink while he stared at the face of that manipulative asshole.

Who was he to argue?

"Toooohma-san, daijoubu????"  The genki voice scraped into the keyboardist's senses as he clicked on various files; trying to find the sound he planned to add to their beat tonight. Startled, he looked up to see the beady black eyes of a stuffed pink bunny looking at him.  Though he was surprised, his eyes softened.

"Ryu-san… gomen, Kumagorou-san," he amended at the low growl from under his keyboard.

"Tohma-san," Kumagorou said sadly in his high-pitched voice. "Tohma-san is sad, ne?"

The blond tried to comfort his fragile friend… er, Kumagorou.

"Iya, Kumagorou.  I'm just a little tired.  I'm just thinking about a lot of things right now since the divorce," he whispered.  He always knew that somewhere in there, Ryuichi was listening, even when he was in full child mode.  He was always honest with the singer. They had been friends for over a decade now and Tohma trusted that Ryu always knew, always understood far more than anyone gave him credit for. Even Shindou-san seemed to trust the otherworldly singer unerringly.  

A soft hand on his knee startled him, but Kumagorou stayed staring at him lifelessly.  The sweet childish voice that was Kumagorou chimed up.

"Ne, Tohma-san shouldn't think so much!  Otherwise his stomach ache will get worse."  With that, the hand left his knee and the pink bunny hopped away, leaving a surprised Tohma clutching his stomach.  He knew he shouldn't be surprised, but how the hell did Ryuichi know about his ulcer?  Tohma only found out himself a couple of weeks ago.  

"Everyone ready?" 

Tohma looked up. The stage was completely set for rehearsal.  Quickly, he found the sound he had been looking for and gave a wave.  Noriko was already reeling out the first few bars over and over to get used to them.  Ryuichi had set Kumagorou down on a speaker and walked gracefully, sexily downstage, pressing a hand to his head. He turned to wink at Tohma and purred into the microphone.

"Let's go." 

  They had just left the stage without playing their biggest song, a cheap trick to get applause to come back out again.  Now they were back on and the crowd was going wild for the reunited band. Tohma blasted the descending intro beat for the second half of the song, maneuvering the slide bar with ease.  The bass seemed to echo unnaturally loud as they hit the first beat of the next measure.  It ricocheted off the surrounding rocks and Tohma felt a searing pain rip through his shoulder. Nanoseconds later, he was blasted across the stage backwards, a sudden pain exploding through his head.  He was out before he hit the stage.

Ryuichi heard the shot and immediately stopped singing, feeling scared.   The microphone dropped to his side, forgotten as he tried to figure out what the noise was.  People were screaming.   K was running toward them shouting something.

"Down, get down!  Kill the lights!  Get them out of there!"

The confused lead singer turned to see that Noriko was still playing, but she stopped as well and only the bass track was left to repeat on its own.  Everything seemed to be running in slow motion as Ryuichi's turn brought his eyes to catch the blond hair, soaked with red on the floor of the stage.

Suddenly, everything was clear again and Ryuichi screamed as he ran to the still form on the stage.  He slid on his knees the rest of the way and paused, his hands hovering shakily over his limp friend before he made a decision and turned him over.  There was so much blood.  The blond hair was nearly completely red with it and Tohma was so pale... so pale.  The lights were killed as figures moved around them, shouting orders and moving to get everyone off stage.  The spotlights were turned on the audience so no one could see and K kneeled in front of Ryuichi, who still held tightly to his unconscious friend.  Ryu looked up, sniffing.

"K-san?"  

K put his hands on Tohma, checking the man's neck and pulse before pulling the body a little to let Ryuichi know what he wanted to do.

"It'll be ok, Ryu.  Let me take him and we'll get you off the stage."

Ryuichi's eyes hardened and he pulled the limp man back.

"No," he said, his voice free from any trace of uncertainty.  "I'll take him."

He lifted the taller man into his arms and let K lead them both out.  Gently and somewhat reluctantly, he placed Tohma onto a stretcher and then K and the two male band members were airlifted out and rushed to the hospital.

"Yuuuuukiiiiii!"  

The blond dropped his head to his hand.  Why must he always screech in the middle of the best inspirations? Of course, Shindou Shuichi was now the source of all of his romantic inspirations, so how could he complain?  He closed his story out and waited for the bundle of genkiness to come and talk on and on about his day until he was effectively silenced, his energy put to better use.  Yuki stifled a grin and looked up at the opening door.  

His smile was effectively quashed as he saw that his lover was shaken and scared.  He was also out of breath.  He must have run here from work.   He looked up.

"Yu… Yuki."

Yuki got up, moving toward Shuichi.  There was something in his blue eyes.  Something that chilled Yuki, something was terribly wrong.

"What's wrong?"

Shuichi looked up, with tears building in his eyes.

"Yuki.  Seguchi-san's been shot."

K walked back upstairs with two cups of hot chocolate. As he stepped off the elevator, he could see Ryuichi, his baseball cap pulled way down as he hunkered in the chair in the hallway.   Fortunately, all of the nurses had been very professional and had found the closest and least populated place for them to wait.  

Ryuichi looked up, his eyes big and watery.

"Any news?"  His lower lip trembled.  K smiled tiredly.

"No, Ryu. Not yet."

"What if he dies, K?"  The tears started to spill over in the enormous trembling eyes and K grabbed the smaller man's shoulders, giving him a shake. 

"Ryu.  You have to stay together now!"  he said softly.  "Tohma will not die.  I've seen worse wounds than that.  But the impact to his head may have done some serious damage.  We are going to have to be there for him."

Ryuichi stopped crying, and sniffed.  When he looked up, he was calm.

"Where's Kumagorou?"

K smiled and put one of the singer's hands on the cup of hot chocolate, holding it for a minute, knowing the singer needed some comfort.  He hadn't been the man's manager for six years for nothing. 

"Noriko is bringing him with her from the stage.   She should be here soon."

Ryuichi nodded.   K smiled and produced a coloring book and crayons from his trench coat.  Ryuichi's eyes grew to five times their normal size and he glomped the blond man.

"K-saaaan!  K-san is the best manager!  The best, the best, the best!!!"

K smiled and sat down to color with the childish man.  His only focus now was keeping the rattled singer together until his friends arrived.  In the back of his head though, he wondered what possible damage that second bullet may have done to the mind of Seguchi Tohma, and which one of the NG president's enemies could want him dead.

Tires screeched as the light turned green.  Shuichi looked worriedly over at his lover.   Yuki's jaw was clenched so tight that Shuichi wondered why his teeth didn't come popping out in all directions from the pressure.  The taller man's hand shook as he took a draw on his cigarette.

Shuichi knew he was asking for it, but he was worried and a little bit scared to be in the car the way Yuki was driving right now.

  
"Yuki?"  he said very quietly.  "Daijoubu?"  

"URUSAI!"

Shuichi meeped and sunk down into his seat.  

"Gomen."  He looked at the floor, wondering what he should say next. Yuki would be angry one way or another, but he had to press the matter.  He had to know.

"Yuki…" he ventured.  "You care a lot about Seguchi-san, ne?"

His lover was quiet for a moment and Shuichi wondered if he had stepped over the line again somehow.

"He cleaned it up."

"Eh?"

Shuichi looked up at his lover, startled.  Yuki had pulled off the road for a moment.

"Tohma.  He…"  Yuki blew his smoke out the window and threw the cigarette out as well, laying his head on the steering wheel.  "When he found me, he was the one who hid it all."

"Yuki."

"I don't know how he did it.  He took me downstairs and gave me some pills.  I didn't wake up for two days.  He must have done it though because when I searched later, there was no trace of Kitazawa.  He was a missing person.  They found blood, but no body.  I did it, but he cleaned up the mess."

Shuichi tried to imagine it.  Seguchi-san had been twenty-six at the time, so Sakuma-san would have been twenty-five.  The pink haired man distinctly remembered that Nittle Grasper had had a slump around that time.  They must have been related, mustn't they?

"He's like an older brother to me, Shuichi.  He took care of me through all of that, keeping me away from my family so that I could pull myself back together. I think he even loved me a little bit, but I never… I never."

Shuichi crawled into his lover's lap and held the shaking blond head against his chest.

"Yuki."

"I never even said 'thank you'.  I never even told him that it wasn't his fault."

It seemed dim.  He must still have been on stage, though he didn't remember how he passed out.  There were voices around him, but quiet.  He figured the crowd must still be cheering, but somehow he couldn't hear it very well. It was swishy.  He moaned and tried to open his eyes.  The voices stopped and things in his head began to clear.  A rough hand touched his forehead.

"Seguchi-san?"  A deep, but quiet voice spoke out.  Why was everyone so quiet?  Tohma tried to open his eyes and force himself into awareness.

"Wha… What…did I… Is the concert over?"  He tried to sit up to assure everyone that he was ok.  He'd just passed out, probably from dehydration.  A woman's voice said something like 'don't let him', and strong hands held him to the bed.  Yes, he was in a bed. He was still confused, but his eyes were opening now and K's face slowly blurred into focus.

"Don't move, Seguchi-san.  The concert is over.  Just lie down."

"Lie down, Tohma-san!" Noriko's voice came from farther away.

Tohma couldn't refuse, as his eyes were still so heavy.  His left shoulder hurt like hell.  He looked down at it and saw that it was bandaged.  Kumagorou lay in his right arm, its black beady eyes staring up at him.  He tried to look around, but couldn't make out much that wasn't right in front of his face, though things were getting clearer.

"Sakuma-san?  Ryu?"

A gentle hand clasped his and he saw the eyes of his friend.  Tohma was surprised to see that there were no tears on that face.  Ryuichi's eyes were filled with an intensity that seemed to bore into the frail blond.

"I'm here Tohma-kun," he said gently.  The childish Ryuichi was gone for now and Tohma felt a little bit steadier as he looked into the sure eyes of his old friend.  He shut his eyes.

"Thank you, but I'm fine.  You should go finish the concert."

Silence.  Tohma reopened his eyes to see them staring at him.

"What?"

"I told you the concert was over," K said, perplexed.  Tohma frowned.  That's right, he had said that, hadn't he?  Noriko looked worriedly at him from across the room.

The nurse who had told K to hold him down before now intruded.  

"Seguchi-san, I'm afraid the concussion you received will probably leave you a bit flustered and confused for a while."  She smiled and wrote some notes on her clipboard.  "If you don't mind, I would like to ask you some questions to assess your cognizant abilities."

Tohma gave a pretty closed-eye smile.  "Of course. You need to do your job, but please be quick.  I have work I should be doing."

The nurse smiled kindly.  "That may be true, but you can't do it now because you're injured.  You'll have plenty of time to deal with it later."

Tohma looked away, flustered.  "Of course," he replied.  He didn't know what the hell he was saying.  He was in the damn hospital, he shouldn't even be thinking about work.  Things were so mixed up right now.  He decided that it was best to keep quiet.  He stared quietly at the wall, angrily, for what, he didn't know.  Everybody was treating him like a child, but all he had was a headache and a hurt shoulder.  

"Please don't worry, Seguchi-san."  The nurse said sweetly.  "This confusion should only be a temporary thing."

"Of course," Tohma acknowledged.  "Ask what you need to."

The nurse smiled and gave a reassuring look to the two worried men in the room.

"Do you recognize these people?"

Tohma nodded to K.

"That's K, the manager of Bad Luck."  He turned to Ryuichi who still held his hand.  "That's Sakuma Ryuichi.  He's the lead singer of Nittle Grasper."  Tohma noted the slightly hurt look on Ryuichi's face, but he flashed his accustomed closed eye smile.

"And of course, how could I forget Kumagorou?"  He squeezed the pink rabbit as well as Ryuichi's hand and kept his eyes closed for a minute, trying to block out the increasing pain of his wounds.

"Yaaaay!"  Ryuichi's eyes lit up.  "Tohma-san's so smart! He knows Ryuichi and K-san! Kumagorou is so proud!"

The blond smiled weakly at the man's antics.  His headache was getting worse, but he was still glad to have the genki singer there.  A few more questions revealed nothing out of the ordinary except that the blond couldn't keep his mind on track. His memory was sound, he could read, see and hear properly.  It was just mild confusion but the nurse was adamant that Tohma be watched over.

"Is there anyone close to you, Seguchi-san that could keep an eye on you for a couple of days?"

Tohma smiled uncomfortably.

"I live alone."  He grimaced in pain, both physical and emotional.  He suddenly felt very isolated.  Now that Mika was gone, he really had few friends who were that close to him.  There was Eiri, but Tohma would never impose upon him.  Both his parents were of course, dead, and the rest of his family was so removed from him that he would feel ridiculous asking them.  Other than that…

"With me," a soft voice spoke up.  

Everyone looked at the singer in surprise.  Ryuichi smiled widely. 

"Kumagorou and Ryu-chan could use the company, ne?"  

Tohma looked up at Ryuichi and the other man stared back at him intently.  For an instant, the blue eyes were unclouded by doubt.  Tohma took strength in the warmth that flowed from that gaze and he nodded, exhausted already.  He was too tired to argue.

"Sa.  I can stay with Ryuichi-san."

"Hai.  That would work.  I can get security assigned to Ryuichi's house and they both can lay low for a while."

The nurse nodded and arranged for Tohma to check out in a few days.  There would be more psychological tests later, but for now, he was out of danger.   The wound in his shoulder was clean and stitched as was the gash in the left topside of his head.  The area had been shaved for now for easier access and was covered by a large bandage.

K excused himself to go make some calls, Noriko kissed Tohma on the forehead and went home to her son and Tohma was left with a very serious Ryuichi.

The taller musician was very uncomfortable.  He was not used to charity, nor imposing himself on other people in such a way.  He felt very helpless right now and he hated it.  He had not seen Ryuichi so serious since they had attended Shindou-san's first live concert.  The brunet looked at him with soft kind eyes and took his hand, making the blond flinch at first.  How long had it been since someone had touched him in such a kind way?  He had so thoroughly removed himself from the rest of the world that he had forgotten such tenderness.  

 But Ryuichi was his best and oldest friend and Tohma felt his weary body give in to the painkillers and he drifted off, looking into those wonderful wise and loving eyes.  As he fell asleep, the last thing he heard was Ryuichi's soft voice singing a comforting song; something he was making up on the fly.  It was soft and deep and beautiful and seemed to help the pain more than any medication could hope to compete with.


	2. Chapter 2

Sorry guys. It's been a while since I've even seen gravitation. I started this fic, sort of knowing what I had in mind, looked at it, thought "this sucks" and sort of gave up on it for a while. I had to regroup. Now I think I want to continue it. 

Especially since I got so many reviews. You guys all rock and I feel terrible for dropping the fic for so long. 

It should be pretty short. I'm thinking four chapters at the most. I know I need to finish it though, so here I go. Hope you like it. There is waaaaaay too little Tohma/Ryuichi to read. In other words, YOU WRITERS need to get your SORRY BEHINDS in gear and write more Tohma/Ryuichi… and possibly some Yuki E./Tohma. Yes, that definitely needs to be done. ^____^ I guess that means me too huh?

Also, even though I know some of you like it, I do not like, get, or want Ryuichi with Tatsuha. He's a cute kid, but I just don't like that pairing. Partially, it is because I'm a rare pairing snob. No run of the mill pairings for me thank you… most of the time. But also, I just don't get it. I just don't see the attraction. But that's just me. You won't ever see that pairing from me. I do apologize.

And huge special thanks to Suzaku no hi for staying on my case until I got this thing done. Thank you so much!!!

Soul of a Healer 2

"It's so scary. He was standing right there, and suddenly he wasn't. The music was so loud, we didn't even hear the gunshot." Noriko's muffled voice could be heard through the door of the dark bedroom where Yuki sat.

"Did you see anyone?" Tatsuha had said that.

"They couldn't have. The lights are way too bright to see anything in that crowd," came Hiro's sensible voice.

Yuki scrunched his eyes shut, taking another drink of bourbon, as he sat at his desk trying to drown out the voices in the other room. Shuichi had invited everyone over to talk. Yuki had said "no", but the adorable little brat didn't even listen. He never did. So the author had escaped to the other room with the excuse of needing to write. He wasn't ready to talk to anybody yet. Well, that was status quo. He never wanted to talk to anybody. But right now, he needed to be alone. He did not need half of the music industry sitting in his livingroom drinking his beer. But Shuichi needed people to talk to and Yuki wasn't the one for that kind of thing. He had enough trouble expressing his own feelings, let alone trying to deal with those of his overly sensitive lover.

He let the voices blur into noise as memories began to come unbidden. Tohma had always cared for him, always protected him. When he was 16, after he had shot Yuki, Tohma had taken him home. The pills he had taken had made him too sleepy, though he tried to stay awake. He lay in the throw of vivid nightmares and a feeling of sickness as he lay in the back of Tohma's locked car, waiting. Once the blond had returned, he had held Yuki close, whispering comforts and stroking his hair. He had asked Tohma what he did. Possibly, screamed it, until he had broken down in tears, clutching onto Tohma's sweatshirt until the drugs finally claimed his shattered consciousness.

When he had awoken in their apartment again, it had been days. He had been cleaned up. He smelled like fresh soap and shampoo. Tohma had fed him something sweet and made him take more pills. Then he sat in the bed next to Yuki, pulling him close once he began to remember what had happened. He had started trembling. He couldn't cry anymore, but he couldn't talk. He was too shocked to talk. He lay in that state in Tohma's arms, clutching the young man's T-shirt in a vice-like grip. Tohma's voice cut in through the roaring of his ears.

"You listen to me Eiri-san. You are not to blame. Do you understand me?" He had pulled away and stared deep into Yuki's eyes, a horrible cold light in them; something Yuki had never seen before. "I should have been there to pull the trigger myself Yuki. Not you. You were protecting yourself." He had pulled him closer, hugging him almost too tight. "We can't tell anyone, Yuki. It would hurt you too much. I wish I could take you to see someone, but I can't. " His hand had shaken as he ran it softly through Yuki's hair. "If you need to talk, you'll have to come to me, all right?"

Yuki had simply nodded. Only the two of them could ever know. For a month, Tohma barely left the apartment, spending every waking moment with Yuki. They didn't talk about it much. They played video games and watched movies. They ordered a lot of pizza. Yuki threw himself into writing as much as he could. It was his only outlet besides Tohma. Unfortunately Tohma bore the brunt of his pain and anger, but somehow, they made it through the hardest part, and when Mika returned with her lover from Spain, though he knew he had changed, he could keep from her, what had happened. Though he was pretty sure she had eventually figured some of it out on her own.

Yuki shook the memories away, taking another drink of the burning alcohol, enjoying the way it stung his throat on the way down. He had been very unkind to Tohma. In a way, he had blamed Tohma, merely because there was no one else. He had blamed him for taking him to New York, for hiring Yuki as his tutor, for not getting there sooner… but it was just his anger speaking. 

Tohma had known this and had loved him, unconditionally, even when he had refused to return to Japan with him, shouting insults and declaring he hated the man for ruining his life. He had hurt Tohma countless times, because, he was the easiest one, even punched him once. Still, Tohma had weathered through it, never losing his fierce affection for the young man. When he and Mika had finally left for Japan and Yuki had a chance to think about things, the anger slowly faded.

Yuki had realized Tohma wanted him. He had known him long enough to read his body language and his actions .He knew that the blond would watch him when he thought Yuki wasn't looking. Hell, he had even milked it a few times, walking out of the shower in low-riding cargos and nothing else, dripping wet from the shower. Tohma would almost immediately excuse himself, claiming an appointment or a need to get to the office.

But he had never touched the author in anything more intimate than a tender hug, or a familial kiss. Even when they were close and he could see Tohma's hands trembling, the older man had never taken advantage of the moment. A few times, Yuki had wanted him to. Until Shuichi had come along, Tohma had been the only other man he trusted intimately. 

But he had never told him.

Yuki massaged his temple slowly, trying to ward off a headache. The voices in the other room were getting louder as more of his beer disappeared, he suspected. 

"I just don't understand. Who would want to kill Seguchi-san?" Shuichi said.

"The question is who wouldn't want to kill him! I want to every day and I consider him a close personal friend!"

That voice was new. It was K. Yuki immediately stumbled from his torpor and his chair and opened the bedroom door, staring at the newly arrived manager. Everyone turned, including the brash imposing American, and stared at the writer, hanging in the doorway, wearing black sweats, his hair mussed. K smirked and shrugged his jacket off, hanging his holster on the coat rack but keeping his favorite gun in his hand for style.

It took Yuki a couple of seconds to find his voice again. When he did, it was shaky and unused.

"How is he?"

K nodded at the writer, speaking to him, even though everyone was waiting for the answer.

"He's better. He went home this morning with Ryuichi."

"Will he be safe there, K?" Noriko asked worriedly. Kei smiled.

"Don't worry!" He said grandly, holding his semi-automatic up high. "I told the plainclothesmen around his house, what would happen to them if they failed! HAHAHAHA!"

The entire room could have won an award for synchronized sighing whilst hanging their heads at that remark.

Tohma awoke to the slow steady pounding of dull pain in his heavy head. Slowly he chanced opening his eyes, relieved to find that the room was pleasantly dark, with just a trickle of sunlight sifting through the drawn blinds. Deep gray shadows cast upon the walls in jutting corners of dull color seemed to indicate that it was morning, sometime after dawn.

"I'm late."

Tohma took a breath and tried to prop himself on his elbows. Why had he slept through his alarm? That wasn't like him. The room was still blurry in his sleepy eyes, but as he looked around, he started noticing that this room was looking less and less like his house, though whose it was, he couldn't imagine. A hotel? He spent so little time at home, he was used to waking up in strange places, but not to being unaware of where he was. Pain shot through his shoulder as he lifted himself and he gasped. It was enough reference though, to bring back his memories of the hospital and his wounded head and shoulder, though he still didn't have any memory of being shot. He tried to get up, but his body was so sluggish. He dragged one leg from under the dark green blanket and onto the floor, pushing the covers away.

Suddenly, the door creaked open and Ryuichi ran in.

"No, no no! Tohma needs to lay down."

That's right. Ryuichi had offered to let Tohma stay there while he recovered. He let the overly motherly singer push him back down. He relaxed when he remembered where he was, though he didn't really remember getting here. His leg still hung off the bed uncomfortably and he pulled it back up. Looking around, he now recognized the large master bedroom. Ryuichi had only owned it since he came back to Japan, but already, it was comfortably decorated with pink Kumagorou memorabilia here and there.

Ryuichi was leaning over him, looking at him with worry, his childlike eyes wide and shiny.

"It's okay, Ryuichi, but I do need to go to the bathroom," he said softly, smiling.

"Are you sure?" Ryuichi asked seriously, holding his shoulders and staring intensely into Tohma's eyes and grinning. "You're not going to do something mean like sneak out are you?" There was worry in those blue eyes. "When we brought you home, you kept trying to go back to work. But K and Sakano can handle everything. Really."

Tohma stared up at his friend, confused. Did he do that? He didn't remember. Still, he smiled gently, trying to assuage his friend's worry. "I promise," he said quietly. "I doubt I would get much done in this condition anyway." 

Then Ryuichi produced one of his amazing joyful smiles and the childish singer jumped on his knees on the bed, bouncing Tohma in the process.

"I'm so happy! The doctors said you can't do any work for two weeks! So you get to stay here with me and play! Kumagorou even made breakfast, he made pancakes and orange juice and bacon and…"

Tohma couldn't help it. Ryuichi's joy was infectious. He felt a comfortable genuine smile creep onto his face and he realized how long it had been since he had spent any time with his old friend. Ryuichi stopped and Tohma started to chuckle softly.

"That sounds wonderful," he replied, relaxing. Ryuichi smiled and grabbed his good arm, helping him out of bed. Tohma found that he was dressed in an oversized pink Kumagorou t shirt and his underwear. He looked up at Ryuichi, to stare into wiser older eyes as Ryu smiled at him knowingly, his childlike persona gone for now. Tohma blinked.

"Ryuichi?" he asked, perplexed.

"This time, I get to take care of you." His hand tightened around Tohma's waist and the blond gasped softly.

"After you poddy, then we'll have breakfast right?" Ryuichi smiled. "Tohma needs to eat more."

Tohma laughed, shaking his head, unable to hold his mirth for his worldly, uncomprehendable friend. 

The others had gone and now, Shuichi, Yuki and K sat on the couch. Shuichi was sprawled on the couch, his head in Yuki's lap.

"Yuuuukiiiiii. I drank too much," he whined, holding his belly. Yuki looked down at him coldly. "As usual. Don't whine for something you brought on yourself, idiot."

Shuichi's eyes got big and watery. He turned and crawled up, clinging onto Yuki's arm. "But Yuki, you're supposed to take care of me! I'm trying to be all cute and cuddly!"

"And green. If you throw up on my couch, you're buying me a new one."

"Hmph." Shuichi sat on the floor at the end of the couch, sticking out his tongue and crossing his arms. "You're so mean." He moaned again sickly and held his grumbling stomach.

K just stared on, amused. He was a lot like Ryuichi.

"I wanted to talk to you alone, present company excepted."

"I figured as much." Yuki sighed, looking down at his silly lover, sitting curled up, his flushed face resting on his knees, his eyes scrunching as he tried to deal with an upset tummy. He sipped at his own drink conservatively. "Do you know who did it, then?"

"Not quite yet…" the blond replied gravely. "Though we did make an arrest." Yuki looked up, interested. "A man was found leaving the hall, carrying a gun. It matches the bullet type of the slug we found lodged in the speaker, the one that grazed Tohma's skull, and it's missing the right amount of bullets."

"I see." Yuki said quietly. "What's the problem then?"

"For one thing, they haven't run labs to make sure the bullets came from that exact gun. For another thing, the man kept babbling your name. He said you're the killer if anyone is. Apparently he was sure Tohma was dead already."

Yuki's hand tightened on his glass, but he forced a sarcastic laugh. "I'm a killer? I don't even own a gun. Besides, I have an alibi, and absolutely no motive."

K raised a hand. "I just want you to know that you could be questioned. The police have no reason to suspect you of anything. You're a popular author and this guy doesn't have all his marbles. And unlike you, he seems to have plenty of motive. However, he did say some rather disturbing things about Shuichi and you and I thought I should talk to you."

Yuki's eyes narrowed. "Can I ask who this guy is?" 

"I'm not supposed to disclose this," K replied, "but I think you ought to know. The man they arrested, was ASK's lead singer, Taichi Aizawa."

Ryuichi had sat him on the floor, propping him up with pillows against the sofa and serving him breakfast on a small TV tray in front of Saturday morning cartoons. Tohma took a bite of the overly syruped blueberry pancakes and grimaced. Usually he had coffee in the morning and that was it. He hadn't had anything this sweet in a long time. His stomach protested and Tohma put his fork down, taking a breath and sipping some of the orange juice instead. Ryuichi was beside him on the floor, on his stomach, his chin resting on Kumagorou and his knees bent with his feet swinging to and fro as he watched TV. He looked over at the clink of the fork on the plate and frowned.

"Tohma-kun, eat, eat. You're too skinny already." He got to his knees, clasping his hands and looking quite young and hopeful, even at 31 years of age. "You like my pancakes don't you?"

Tohma smiled, his eyes closing. "Of course. They're very good," he said sincerely. "It's just that I don't usually eat breakfast.

He got blinked at. Blink. Blink. Far too cute.

"No breakfast?" Blink. "No breakfast. That can't be good for you." Ryuichi said, a serious look on his childish face. "No wonder you're so sad all the time, Tohma!! You need lots of energy to be your best and sparkle bright, bright!" 

He grabbed the fork and stabbed another piece of pancake, rubbing it in syrup and placing it to Tohma's lips. "From now on, you eat breakfast every day, right?" 

Tohma looked at him quietly. "Ry.." A piece of pancake pushed it's way into his mouth. 

"Right. Good answer." Ryuichi smiled. He fed Tohma until he had quietly finished an entire pancake. It was intimate, Tohma thought, the way he studiously cut each peace and gently fed them to Tohma, watching him quietly chew each morsel. Neither looked away from the other the whole time. The noise of the TV became When Tohma was beginning to feel like he couldn't possibly force any more down, Ryuichi nodded in satisfaction and removed the tray from Tohma's lap and replacing it with himself. The blond stiffened only a little. He was used to Ryuichi being cuddly and close, especially when no on was looking, though he hadn't been alone with the singer like this in a very very long time. Mika hadn't allowed it.

Tohma couldn't help the fond smile at Ryuichi's childlike closeness as he rested his hands carefully on Tohma's shoulders and settled into a loose hug, laying his chin on Tohma's uninjured right shoulder. "I was so scared, Tohma. You looked all broken and little when you got shot. I was afraid I would never see you again."

Tohma patted Ryuichi on the back, awkwardly. "Please don't worry yourself. I'm okay now Ryu."

No you're not, Ryuichi shook his head pulling away and staring into confused blue eyes. "You remember when you used to come play with me at the hospital?" 

Tohma nodded.

"And you told me that you'd take care of me, and we'd sing songs and color and play games?" Again, he nodded. "And when I said I wanted to be a famous singer and you said you'd make that dream come true? And you worked so hard. And I told you that I loved you, but you never listened?"

"Ryu…" Tohma tried to speak, but Ryuichi put a hand on his mouth.

"I do know what I'm talking about, Tohma. And I'm not stupid and I'm not a child, and I'm not crazy. I know what love is," he said, answering Tohma's retorts from long ago. "I wanted to take care of you too, but you wouldn't let me. And you got broken somehow, without my knowing. And I could only watch while you died inside, giving yourself to everyone and everything, but never giving in to anything you wanted, and purposely wanting things you knew you couldn't have."

Tohma couldn't talk, but he shook his head. He didn't want to hear this. His eyes flashed and he felt a cold anger building. He wanted to shut Ryuichi up. It wasn't his concern. How dare he lay Tohma's weaknesses bare like that? He began to raise his hand. He knew that if he slapped Ryuichi, it would shut him up and he would never say anything like that again. Tohma would put him in his place. But as tears began to well up in the childish man's eyes, his hand froze at his side.

"I'm tired of it, Tohma. You don't even seem to care that you almost died, because you're almost dead inside anyway," he yelled. "I'm tired of watching you slowly kill your own heart, poisoning your body and weakening it, with all your medications and your coffee and not sleeping or eating or being happy."

"All those years I told you I loved you, you said you could take care of yourself, but you can't. Because you're stupid! Stupid stupid, Tohma. So now you're going to shut up and let me take care of you because I don't want you to die!"

That yelled, Ryuichi removed his hand and replaced it with his mouth, kissing Tohma desperately and wrapping his arms as tightly around the other man as he could, one arm over the good shoulder and the other around his waist.

Tohma's lips were slack and didn't respond as Ryuichi's moved over them desperately, his tears falling heavy and fast and making the kiss taste salty as he sobbed, his shoulders shaking and his hands fisting in Tohma's shirt. 

'I didn't realize,' he thought. When had he pushed Ryuichi so far away? Ten years ago? And all this time, Ryu had stayed with him, watching him, being his bright light while he paid attention to everything else.

He brought his hands up slowly, one to rest on Ryu's hitching ribs, the other to fist in his hair and pull his head sideways to rest on his shoulder as he continued to cry.

His very best friend, he had pushed so far away until he was another face in the crowd. His best friend in words, but otherwise just a means to an end. And with one strike, Tohma had been ready to push him away forever, all for a false pride; when all Ryuichi wanted to do was help him.

When the dream had started, it had all been for Ryuichi. Tohma had wanted to make his dream come true… both of their dreams. He had fiercely defended the claims from everyone that Ryuichi was stupid, or retarded, or crazy. But at the same time, Tohma had pushed him away, thinking that he was just a child inside, that he couldn't be capable of real love. 

Just a child. He wasn't a child. He wasn't stupid, mentally challenged or crazy. He was just… Ryuichi. Like his image stood, 'The Worldly Ryuichi' and that he was. Tohma had sold that image with fervor, and yet never stopped to really consider it himself, always caring for him as if he was fragile, as if he was incapable of normal feelings.

"Oh, Ryu." He hugged the sobbing man close to his chest. "I'm so sorry. I should have thought…" He kissed the soft brown hair gently, tears beginning to form in his own eyes. "I've really made you unhappy, haven't I?"

Ryuichi mustered a smile and shook his head. "I've been very happy singing with you and Nori-chan." He put a hand in Tohma's soft blond hair. "But I've waited a really long time for a chance to make you happy again. I'm… I'm…"

Their lips were close and wet from tears and this time, Tohma initiated the kiss, moving his mouth gently over the singer's full, moist lips, savoring the taste, realizing how sweet the naïve, childish singer really was. They pulled away slowly and Ryuichi finished his sentence.

"I'm tired of being untouchable," he whispered. "I don't want to wait for you anymore."


	3. Chapter 3

Unbeta'd. Just trying to get writing again. If I've made any really dumb mistakes, please let me know. Otherwise enjoy!

Edit: Already found a glaring error. Guh. It's been so long since I've written. My bad.

Soul of a Healer 3

Ryuichi sat at his keyboard, writing. He had bits and pieces of a song floating around. After this morning's emotional outburst, he was desperately trying to find a way to express everything he felt inside about his friends gentle self destruction. Tohma seemed never to see it. He just continued to lock himself away from everyone as he slowly disintegrated.

The Tohma Ryuichi loved was in there somewhere. But between the recent divorce combined with the appearance of Shindo-san in Yuki Eiri's life and whatever ghosts still haunted him, Tohma was becoming lost. Ryuichi wanted to find him. Wherever he was, he wanted to be there, if not to take the pain away at least to share it. But Tohma was tricky. He rarely opened up. It was like looking for a lost soul in a dream. When you thought you had found him, he would disappear and there would be new higher walls.

Even when he seemed to be open, somewhere underneath, he was already building a new wall. If he was good at anything it was obfuscation and manipulation. But Ryuichi had hope because he also knew how to hide. It was his favorite game. He knew what it was to be scared and to hide. He knew how to have barriers too. Tohma had protected those barriers. Enough so that Ryuichi knew he could drop them when he wanted to, safely.

Ryuichi would do the same and more for Tohma if he could.

He was broken out of writing by a knock at the door. He set his pencil down and got up, approaching the door and turning on the camera that viewed outside. Sighing in relief as he realized it was Shuichi and Yuki Eiri. He unlocked the door and put on a smile, as well as a pout.

"Shuichi never visits anymore ne!"

Shuichi bounced in. "I'm sorry! We're getting ready for a new tour! K won't let me go!"

After vigorously hugging Shuichi, he turned to Eiri, sobering.

"Eiri-san," he stated simply, moving aside, suddenly unsure. He had made progress with Tohma. But a visit from Eiri could undo all of that. That's what was so painful about Tohma's devotion to the writer. His unrequited love was just another brick in Tohmas seemingly endless walls. Looking at the door, he swung it a few times before closing it. He couldn't throw them out, they were friends. But what if Eiri broke Tohma again?

Shuichi grabbed the older singer's hand and smiled at him reassuringly.

"Yuki-kun needs to talk with Tohma. It's important."

In that uncanny way of his, Ryuichi realized that Eiri wasn't a threat this time.

"Eiri-san, Tohma is probably sleeping. He's in the back bedroom. Go say 'hi' kay?"

Shuichi dragged Ryuichi over to the piano in the meantime. Eiri took a sharp intake of breath as he caught one brief look of intense warning from Ryuichi. Gone was the childish persona, replaced by the almost feral look he had onstage.

"Don't you dare hurt him," he growled softly before the singer turned to follow the younger boy. Yuki recognized the look. He had seen that same intensity and protectiveness in Tohma's eyes a hundred times over. He snorted and walked to the back room.

"You're writing a new song? Can I see, can I see?"

Their voices faded into the background as he entered the room.

Dusk light filtered in through a crack in the curtains, painting the bedroom in shady oranges and browns. Ryuichi's bed was quite large and it made Tohma look disturbingly small, nestled within the piles of covers, though he had regained some color since Saturday. Yuki approached him quietly, sitting on the chair that had been placed beside the bed. There were empty strawberry pocky boxes on the night-table, as well as several coloring books. Typical.

Yuki looked Tohma over critically. He looked a sight better than he had in the hospital. He was still pale, but he didn't look as ashen as he had. His head was still bandaged, and there was a disturbing tint of brown, making Yuki wonder if Tohma's dressings needed to be changed. The man looked boyish without his usual garb. It disturbed Yuki. He had never seen Tohma look this helpless and fragile. Somehow, Tohma had always managed to exude strength. Yuki had never imagined that Tohma might be hurting, and yet with all they had been through…

He reached forward tentatively, brushing Tohma's hair back and smoothing it down. Tohma stirred and he opened his eyes. Still full of sleep, they squinted until they fixed on Yuki. It still took him a minute more before he recognized the writer and he opened them fully.

"Eiri… is everything all right?"

Yuki's hand stilled in the soft blond hair for a moment and he sighed.

"Is there always something wrong when I come to see you?"

Tohma looked around, still getting his bearings, before his eyes settled on Yuki's and cleared, becoming steady and sure.

"No. Forgive me Eiri. I've been a little bit out of it since the accident."

Yuki's eyes narrowed.

"Someone tried to kill you."

"Mmm." Tohma nodded. "To be honest, I can't say I'm surprised. Do they know who did it?"

"They arrested Taichi Aizawa."

Tohma's eyes became hard.

"Really? I should have dealt with him more thoroughly I think."

Yuki looked down darkly.

"Don't act so tough. Let the police handle it this time."

Tohma's widened in surprise.

"Eiri…"

Yuki looked down and ran his hand along Tohma's chin, holding his head.

"You can't be responsible for everything Tohma. Let go."

Tohma closed his eyes and turned his head to the side. He smiled sadly.

"Maybe you're right."

"Tohma."

Tohma looked up. He gasped as he was caught in an intense gaze. Eiri's eyes were hard, and forceful. Tohma rarely saw him like this. His grip had tightened on Tohma's neck.

"If you get killed doing something stupid, I'll never forgive you. There are people who want to protect you. Don't piss them off by trying to handle it all yourself again."

Tohma couldn't look away from Yuki's hard gaze. Such beautiful eyes. There was so much power in that gaze. Tohma felt himself unable to argue.

"I.. I'm sorry I've worried you Eiri."

"Hmph. I'm not the only one."

Eiri looked at the door, causing Tohma to look as well. He could hear Shuichi and Ryuichi talking in the other room. They sounded like they were tearing the place apart. Tohma smiled. At least they were here at Ryuichi's house and not his own.

"He really loves you Tohma."

Tohma smiled. "I've ignored him for so long. I really am lucky to have such a good friend."

"You should tell him."

Tohma looked at Eiri curiously.

"Tell him what?"

"You should tell him about what happened. You never did, did you?"

It took a minute for him to really register what Yuki meant by that. He watched carefully as he saw the blue eyes go from confused, to realization, to utter terror. Tohma sat up, ignoring the dizziness that assailed him.

"No! I never would! Eiri!"

Tohma held Yuki's shirt front, his brown eyes wide and scared. Yuki caught his shoulders and pushed him back down.

"Shut up! Tohma. You'll bring those idiots running."

Tohma did as he was told, surprised at the strength behind Yuki's voice. A warm hand was on his chest, holding him down. The power behind that hand kept him from speaking more. Tohma could see the pain of remembrance in Yuki's eyes. He wanted to do something to stop it, but Yuki's gaze alone stopped him.

"You never really even told me." Yuki said softly. "What you did that night."

Tohma licked his lips, nervously looking away.

"I... I took care of things, Eiri. You don't need to trouble yourself with that."

He was the one in the position of power now... not Tohma. Yuki studied Tohma's eyes carefully. He could clearly see the fear within their depths. It annoyed him, that he hadn't seen it before. Had he been so terrible a friend? So selfish?

"When it gets quiet. And I can't force myself to write anymore. Even five years later... I still see them. I still see that apartment."

"Eiri..."

"Is that why you bury yourself in work? Is it why you surround yourself with noise? Music? Business?"

"I..."

"You still see them too don't you?"

"Eiri no. It's nothing compared to what you..."

"But it isn't _nothing_ Tohma!"

Yuki turned, his hand sliding up Tohma's chest, back to cup the soft skin of his chin. Yuki leaned down over his ex-brother in law, touching his forehead to Tohma's.

"It isn't nothing," he whispered. Tohma trembled under him. He swallowed dryly. Eiri was so close. He could feel the heat of his breath as he spoke, quietly but powerfully.

Tohma stuttered.

"I... I can tell you... if you..."

"No. I don't want to know." Yuki said softly, his deep voice going a little bit hoarse as he gazed into the blonde's eyes. "It won't do either of us any good."

"N... no?" Tohma gasped as Eiri's face moved even closer to his. Those eyes... he was so close. Oh god.

"No." Yuki answered and finally tilted his head and kissed the blond.

The room was quiet for a moment as the soft sound of lips meeting only barely breached the silence of the darkened room. Yuki pulled away slowly, looking at Tohma's eyes. It was there. He could see it. It wasn't just desire. He cupped Tohma's neck softly and kissed him one more time before moving to whisper in the man's ear.

"Thank you Tohma," he said softly, gently. "For what you did for me. Thank you."

He pushed himself away and stood, fishing his cigarettes out of his breast pocket. They were somewhat crushed. Damn. He took one out anyway, placing it between his lips but not lighting it. He stared at the door.

"I don't know what you did. I don't want to know."

"Eiri." Tohma was still stunned. There was nothing to say. He simply watched as Yuki turned toward the door.

"Our absolution is sitting in that room Tohma. They're fools. They may not understand. But they'll love us." Yuki moved to the door, opening it. "Tell him, Tohma. For me. Tell him."

And he was gone. Tohma stared at the door, briefly listening to Yuki as he yelled something at Shuichi. Voices grew further away and there was the sound of a door shutting.

The door opened slowly and Ryuichi slipped in, trying to keep the light from falling onto the bed to disturb his friend.

"Tohma. Is everything all right?"

Ryuichi approached, slowly, gasping as Tohma turned to him.

"Tohma! What's wrong? Did he say something bad to you?"

"No, Ryu." Tohma smiled.

"But you look so sad. You look. What's..."

"Kiss me."

Ryuichi stopped his questions, reeling in surprise. "Huh?" It had been said so softly he wasn't even sure he had heard it. He moved closer.

"Kiss me. Please?"

Tohma sounded so lost in that moment. The turmoil in his eyes made them shimmer like water. Those walls were gone. Ryuichi didn't hesitate. His eyes lost their childish owlishness and became hard and purposeful. He moved forward and leaned over, placing his hands firmly in soft blond hair as he leaned down and tasted Tohma's lips. They were soft this time, and pliant. They gave easily and Ryuichi opened them with his tongue, moving to crawl over Tohma on the bed, trying not to disturb his wounds, but wrapping around the man like a living cocoon. Tohma moaned as he gave into the kiss, knowing that this was what he wanted. Maybe it would hurt. But he couldn't ignore it any longer.

He would do anything for Eiri... including this. Even if it destroyed him.

Ryuichi slowly moved back, his tongue slipping out of Tohma's mouth slowly, regretfully as he moved back. Tohma had turned he head away, but even at that angle, Ryuichi could see the deep resignation and sadness in the blue eyes. He moved to kiss Tohma again, but a hand against his chest stopped him. He moved back, waiting.

"You should get comfortable," he said lifelessly. "I have a lot to tell you and when I'm done, you'll probably want me to leave."

Ryuichi opened his mouth to argue, but he was stopped by Tohma's long fingers digging into his wrist.

"Just please understand Ryuichi. That no matter what I say now, that I truly do care about you. I would do anything not to have to tell you this." Tohma's voice cracked a little, but he maintained his composure, before taking a breath. Even as he did it, the emotion left his eyes and the walls went up again.

Ryuichi understood. It was finally time.

"It's about what happened in New York back then isn't it?"

Tohma nodded. After a few hesitant starts Tohma finally began to tell his own story. Something he had never told anyone, even Mika.

Yuki drove silently toward NG studios. His lover was strangely silent, looking over some papers he had snatched from the piano before they had left Ryuichi's condominium.

"What is that?"

Shuichi hugged it lovingly.

"It's some of Ryu's scratch paper for a new song!"

Yuki sighed. "Shu, you know him. You don't have to collect his things like a groupie. Hell you're practically as well known as he is."

Shuichi ignored him, sniffing the paper. "Mmmmm, it smells like him."

Yuki sighed. He pulled up at the door of the studio. Suddenly he turned and was startled to see Shuichi grinning at him, that damn happy puppy look in his eyes.

"What?"

Shuichi squeaked and jumped into his lap, pushing him back and kissing him before smiling again.

"You did a good thing you know."

"I'm not so sure." Yuki replied. "Sakuma Ryuichi is not the most stable person. I've never met someone more unpredictable, and naive. If he can't handle it, Tohma could end up worse off."

Shuichi shook his head. "Sakuma san is not as naive as you think. He sees more than he lets on."

"Does he? Or have we all just fallen for his act like the rest of the world."

Shuichi sighed and kissed his boyfriend. "I have faith in him." They kissed once more. "I'll probably be home late. Between K and Suguru I don't expect a lot of sleep for the next 2 weeks."

"K will bring you home?"

"K or Hiro but we might sleep at the studio if we don't end early."

"All right. I'll put dinner in the fridge."

Yuki watched his lover go inside the building before pulling away. Finally able to smoke, he pulled a cigarette from his pocket and lit it, hesitating for a moment before deciding to call K. Damned if he was going to let them take his boyfriend for two weeks before a month long tour. If K wouldn't listen to him, he would appeal to Tohma to give him a break.

"Yo. K here," the blond answered as Yuki pulled onto the freeway.

"Look, I know that you have to rehearse, but I'd appreciate a little time with Shuichi before you go. Can't he practice on the bus?"

There was a pause. "Are you serious? After Tohma's accident? We canceled rehearsal this week."

Yuki frowned. "Did Suguru call it?"

"Couldn't be. He's with the family and Hiro is out with Ayaka. Yuki, no one is there. You had better go back."

Tires squealed as he yanked the wheel, pulling off to get back.

Shuichi entered the almost empty building. The first floor was almost completely empty but for the security guard at the desk, who merely nodded at Shuichi as he entered, quite used to various NG musicians showing up at all hours.

Still somewhat early in the evening, there were still a few diligent workers in their offices. Shuichi made his way toward the elevators of the decadent building and pushed the button. As he stepped into the elevator, a janitor wheeled a cleaning cart into the hall and joined him. He looked American or possibly English with pale skin and soft curly brown hair. He smiled and bowed his head slightly. Wheeling his cart into the elevator, he turned pushed the button closing the elevator doors. As they climbed the floors, the man turned to Shuichi, a sheepish look on his face. He spoke something in English that Shuichi couldn't quite decipher.

"Sorry?"

"Gomen gomen," he pointed at the buttons. "Studio five?"

Shuichi nodded and smiled, not really knowing what the man was saying, but moved to look at the buttons anyway, hoping he would get a clue.

"Oh, studio five?" The man nodded and smiled. Shuichi turned and pointed. "It's this butt-mmphh!"

A steel hand closed over his neck and a sweet smelling cloth was clamped to his nose and mouth. Shuichi tried to scream and kicked the man behind him, hard, drawing a grunt, but not loosening the hold. He had automatically held his breath, but he was getting dizzy with exerting himself in trying to fight the man without breathing. Lifting his legs, he kicked against the elevator door trying to get some leverage against the taller man, but it was to no avail. Beating weakly at the arm around his neck and trying to twist to get out of the grip, he finally couldn't hold his breath any longer and as he started to see stars, he inhaled the sweet smell and immediately felt his head swimming. His struggling weakened as did his blows against the other man before he fell limp. The man easily lifted him into the laundry bag on the side of the cart, covering him with a towel and pushed the button that took them back down to the first floor.


	4. Chapter 4

Title: Soul of a Healer

Author: Caer

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: Yaoi, violence, angst

Pairings: RyuichixTohma

Status: Complete (part4 )

Disclaimer: This is simply fanfiction. I don't own this anime and I'm not making any money. It's just for fun.

Note: This is the last chapter and I forced it from my fingers word by agonizing word. I'm not happy about the flow, even though what I planned is generally what came out. but it didn't feel natural. So I apologize if you're not happy with it. It is finally finished though. However I may add one more lemony chapter for my own gratification, which will be at my website. Thank you all for continuing to read.

As you know, this is based on the anime only and doesn't really follow the story after that, so it won't quite fit with the Manga. My apologies. I wasn't crazy about the manga so I never followed it.

Hope you enjoy anyway.

* * *

A very perturbed Yuki Eiri stood outside of NG studios, smoking one more cigarette. As he blew the calming smoke out he could feel the hitch in his breath and realized, he was not much calmer than 10 minutes ago when K and a group of secret service stormed into the building. It had only been 15 minutes since he had left Shuichi at the front door and he was already gone. The man at the front desk had seen him, but he was the last one. They were currently pulling the evening crew together for questioning.

The door opened and K walked out, to update Yuki.

"The elevators cameras have all been covered with duct tape. We're having everyone review the other cameras to see if anything looks suspicious."

Yuki nodded. "I should have made sure he got upstairs."

"Don't go doing that. It won't do you any good and it won't get him back." K admonished immediately. "I'm sure he'll turn up. To any kidnapper he would be considered a valuable commodity. Whoever took him wants money. We just have to wait until they contact someone."

"I hope you're right."

* * *

Tohma woke from a heavy sleep but he felt drained. He was resting in the crook of Ryuichi's left arm, the singer's legs were entangled in his and his chest rose and fell softly in sleep. Tohma curled his hands in the young man's shirt.

"I don't deserve you," he whispered softly, brushing his fingers along the singer's temple.

Ryuichi had always been there for him and this was no different. Tohma had always been afraid to share the darkest part of his life with his best friend, for fear that he would change Ryuichi. The one bright light he had besides Eiri had been Ryuichi's beauty and brightness. It could even be called innocence, though Ryu was not completely unmarred by darkness. However, Tohma had always wanted to keep him above it, to protect him. For his own selfish reasons, he wanted to keep his friend above the stink of all of his conniving, if even only to convince himself that he had done good things in this world.

But when Eiri had kissed him, he had realized something. He loved Eiri... so much it hurt. So he had done as Eiri asked and he had told Ryuichi everything. From the beginnings of Yuki Kitazawa back in New York, through the rape as well as the aftermath. He had told him of the hours of scrubbing the blood off the apartment floor, hiding the weapon. He had singlehandedly moved 3 bodies and hidden them in the foundation of NG Studios in New York right before the cement was poured. Of course it was just an office building then. However, Tohma had quickly purchased the building afterward. He had bought and renovated the apartment buildings and sold them again. Fortunately no one seemed to be looking for the three men. He had sufficient time to hide everything. Since that night, everything had been carefully orchestrated. Nothing strayed very far from his control. They had returned to Japan, but Tohma had spent years carefully burying everything he could about that night.

He had been obsessed after that to making sure that Eiri had everything he ever needed or wanted. He had paid close attention to anything involving the disappearance of the three men. He had very carefully orchestrated everything after that. Controlled it all.

When he had finished his story, he was shaking so hard that he thought he had opened his wound again. Only his hands clutched white to the sheets had stopped him from falling apart entirely.

_I'm sorry, Ryuichi. This is who I am. I wish I could be more for you, but I'm not._

Ryuichi's eyes had been hard after Tohma's confession. This was it, Tohma had been sure of it. Ryuichi would never look at him the same. He was sure that he had killed any possibility of them... because now Ryuichi knew who he truly was. It was why he had always avoided telling Ryuichi. He had changed for both of them. He had to protect them. He was manipulative and cold, but he was in control. As far as Tohma was concerned, he killed those men. He made them disappear. He made sure they were never seen again. He buried the evidence.

But Ryuichi had slowly gathered the blond up and held him as tightly as he could, waiting for Tohma's tremors to subside and his breathing to slow. A few soft touches of his lips on Tohma's neck had soothed the blond and Ryuichi's fingers had softly sifted through his hair, calming his fears and soothing his tortured soul.

_I know you, Tohma. I've always known that something awful had happened. But you didn't let me in. All I could do was watch. Do you know how hard that was? Did you really think I would love you any less?_

"I'm sorry," Tohma whispered softly, playing with a wisp of Ryuichi's hair. "I wanted to protect you."

Ryuichi simply wrinkled his nose, and pulled Tohma a bit tighter. However, nature was calling and it was time to eat something. Tohma deftly replaced himself with Kumagouro and headed out of the bedroom to take care of business and see if he could scare something up for dinner.

Sadly, Ryuichi was hardly home to cook and the cabinets were somewhat bare. Tohma decided to order out.

After making a quick call to a Chinese place that he and Ryu ordered from on occasion, he went through is wallet to see if he had enough cash. Worst case, Ryu kept cash in the kitchen drawer.

A tiny electric song began to emanate and by the tune, Tohma realized it was his phone somewhere. Looking around, he saw that it was also on the kitchen table with some of his other things from that night. Briefly he considered not answering it. Ryu would be upset if he knew he was working. Then again, it might be someone checking up on him. Checking the caller id, it was not a number he recognized. Picking the phone up hesitantly, he answered.

"This is Seguchi?"

The line was strangely silent and then a muffled noise that sounded like someone's mouth was covered came across the line.

"Hello?" Tohma was concerned now. It almost sounded like...

"Tohma Seguchi."

An English voice came over the line. It sounded American.

"Who is this?" He replied in the same language.

"I have your singer. If you don't want his brains splattered across the pier, you'll come meet me right away."

Tohma's eyes narrowed. "What do you want?"

"Plenty. We'll deal when you get here. You have 20 minutes. Don't try anything. I will blow his head off."

"How crass... What do you..." The phone clicked off. A few seconds later, he had a text message with an address. Quickly Tohma gathered some clothes from Ryuichi's bathroom closet. Moving quickly, he gathered up his few things and headed outside. Quickly dialing K, he hailed a taxi.

K was in a room with Yuki Eiri, watching the video camera footage from the building when the call came.

"Tohma? What are you doing? You should be resting."

"Did you know that someone has my singer?"

"Yes," the man said hesitantly. "He disappeared a few hours ago. No one has even released a press statement yet. How did you find out?"

"His kidnapper wants something from me. I'm heading for the pier. I'll send you the address, but you have to wait. Be cautious. He said he'd kill him. He wants to meet me. I'm going. Come, but I want you to hold back."

"No, Tohma. Let me know where he is. We'll take care of it. At let us set you up with a wire."

"No time, K. I have to be there in 20 minutes. I'll try to get Shuichi safely out of there. I need you to put together at least 200 million yen, just to be safe. I think he wants to bargain. Let's give him money, get Shuichi and get him later."

"I understand. But if you're not out in 20 minutes, we're coming in after you."

"Yes. Does Eiri know?"

"We found out too late. Yuki took Shuichi to a rehearsal, but it was a setup. By the time he or I got there, Shuichi was already gone. There's a cleaning man that no one recognizes on the cameras. He looks American."

"That much is right."

Tohma jumped in a Taxi that pulled up and gave directions before turning back to the phone.

"I think it's just one man. Let me handle it. Tell Eiri that everything will be okay."

"Don't do anything stupid Tohma."

"You've never underestimated me before, K. Don't start now. I know what I'm doing. Just don't take too long."

With that, he hung up. He only hoped he could make it in time.

* * *

"Where is he?" Yuki asked, once K hung up.

"I have the address," K handed it to the writer. "It's the shipping yard. I have to collect a team together."

"I'm going there now. Yuki headed for his car."

"You too? You can't just take the law into your own hands, you know."

But Yuki Eiri was gone already. His tires squealed as his car tore out of the NG parking lot.

K sighed and went back to grab his crew. He only hoped that Yuki didn't get himself into trouble. But he knew not to stand between lovers. Besides, it would be good to have someone there fast. At least he know Yuki would be smart enough to call when he knew where they were.

* * *

Tohma got out of the taxi warily. Though he had the right address, he was on a large pier full of giant shipping crates. His steps were washed out by the crash of the waves against the pier. He looked around, walking further into the darkness.

"Ah there you are. You came quickly."

Tohma looked around. With the echo off the metal he couldn't make out where the voice was coming from.

"I'm tired of this game already," Tohma breezed. "What do you want. Where is my singer."

"Used to being the master of the game yourself, right Tohma? I've studied your every move. Don't worry, he's safe. It's you I want."

A shadow stepped out from behind one of the boxes before stepping back again. Tohma followed.

"Don't try anything."

Tohma was silent, but he did his best to text K from the hand in his coat pocket. He just hoped that K would be able to figure out where they were.

He walked down a corridor of boxes, following the dark shadow of a man until a light spilled onto the pier for a moment. The man stepped inside. Tohma couldn't make out the features, but in the dim light, he caught a flash of the man's eyes. Tohma paused for a moment. Those eyes were filled utterly with hatred.

The light on the pier slowly disappeared and Tohma with it.

Inside, Tohma looked around. The crate was bare but for some old mattresses in the corner. On closer inspection, there was a lump on those mattresses that stirred. Tohma looked back at the man.

"It's me you want, right? I'm here. Let him go."

The man moved into the light. He was a good sized man with brown hair and steel blue eyes. Tohma caught his breath. Caught in between the shadows falling the mans eyes appeared dark and imposing. However, he was not familiar at all. Tohma tried to remember if he had dealt with this man at all in America, but he could not find anything familiar about this man. He moved toward Shuichi and lifted him up roughly.

"You speak good English. That makes it easier for me. You can untie him and send him away now."

Better than his it seemed. Tohma sneered, moving carefully toward Shuichi.

"I've been waiting for you," he said tightly. "I've been waiting for you for six years."

Tohma paused. He swallowed. Could this man possibly be from that time. Who was he? Shuichi watched him silently as he hesitated, almost as if he knew what the blond was thinking. He pulled the blanket from the smaller man and began to untie him. The boy was shaky and his legs almost gave out as he stood.

"Did he hurt you?" Tohma asked softly. Shuichi startled. There was a warmth in the blond's eyes that had never been there before. Not for him at least.

"I'm all right." Shuichi said shakily. Tohma held him up a bit longer as he didn't really believe it.

"Go find Eiri. He's worried. Get as far from here as you can. Do you have your cell phone?"

Uncertain, Shuichi patted his pockets before shaking his head.

"Take mine," Tohma handed him the phone. "Go to the street and then call."

"What about you?"

"I'll be fine," Tohma lied, gripping Shuichi's arm. "Shindou san... if you see Ryuichi, tell him that... that I'm sorry."

Shuichi stared at Tohma for a moment and then returned the grip on his arm.

"Seguchi-san, they both know how much you care for them."

Tohma nodded shakily. "Go then. Everything will be fine. K is already on his way."

Shuichi took a breath and moved to the door. The man simply watched him go, not even raising his gun. Tohma was relatively certain the man understood very little Japanese, so he probably couldn't follow their conversation. What worried him was that the man should at least suspect what would go down, and yet he seemed unconcerned. That he seemed unconcerned for the outcome of this situation was the most disturbing thing.

Shuichi took one last look, before slipping out into the night. Tohma turned back coolly. Adjusting his sleeves, he turned back to the American stranger.

"Obviously a trade for my singer isn't what you really wanted."

"No, but I knew you wouldn't come back out into public, so I needed a way to pull you out... so I could finish what I started."

Tohma moved closer and circled the man, sizing him up. However the man seemed unconcerned. After all, he was the one with the gun.

"You're the one who fired the shot at the concert."

"Yes. Fortunately they held someone else who perhaps wanted the same thing. You're not a very popular man, Seguchi."

Tohma nodded in agreement. "I've made some enemies along the way. But I don't remember you as one particularly."

The tall man growled a little. "That's because you were long gone by the time I found out what you had done."

"And what is that exactly?"

"The murder of a teacher named Yuki Kitazawa."

Tohma's mouth went dry and he tried to swallow, but he could feel his throat closing up. Who was this guy?

"I see. I know he disappeared. You think he was killed then? I can assure you I have no..."

The gun cocked and was aimed straight at him. "I don't have time for games, here. I'm sure you already have people on the way, so we should get it clear right now. I know you killed him. You killed the man I loved and I've come here to get revenge."

"The man you..."

"Yes, my lover. Does that disgust you? Is that why you killed him? Perhaps he was getting too close to your brother in law, as I understood he was there taking lessons from Yuki. Or maybe it was you he got close to. He had many lovers. But he was _mine_. You had no right to take him from me."

"You have no proof that I did anything." Tohma said with certainty.

"No, but I have enough evidence for my satisfaction. I did enough research to learn that his disappearance all leads disturbingly to only two people. One was your brother in law, his student. So was he the killer?"

Tohma's blood ran cold.

"He did nothing wrong."

"No. All the evidence seemed to point to you. You've used your financial power to bury a lot of skeletons, Mr. Seguchi. Where did you bury him, Seguchi. Did you throw him in the river?"

"This is absurd. You have no proof whatsoever of any of this."

"Then why are you sweating? Get on your knees."

"I think you're making a mistake."

"Get on your fucking knees," the man said quietly, before grabbing Tohma by his collar and kicking his knees so he went down hard, jarring his wound.

"This is your last chance. You can admit to what you did now and ask for forgiveness."

"I still don't know what you're talking about."

Tohma's head rang as it snapped to the side and he had to catch himself against the floor as he lost his balance. A few drops of blood spilled on the floor and he realized he had just been pistol whipped. Raising a shaky hand to his face, he could feel the fresh blood forming on his cheek where the gun had made contact.

"DON'T FUCKING TOY WITH ME!" He screamed, yanking Tohma back up, and holding the gun directly pointing into his eye. "Don't you fucking act like you don't know what I'm talking about. You killed him!"

Tohma saw the man's finger move and he shut his eyes waiting for the shot that would kill him.

"Just say it," he spat. Tohma could feel the spray on his cheek. He glared at the man, who was in full frenzy now. His eyes were wild and the blood was visible in the whites. "I know you killed him. If you didn't, this is your last chance to make your case. Give me one good reason I shouldn't blow your head off!" he screamed.

"Because he's a liar."

The man whipped around to see that the door of the freight container was cracked open. Just inside stood Yuki Eiri.

"Eiri!" Tohma stood quickly to move in front of the gun, but the man grabbed him and pulled him against his chest, holding the gun against Tohma's temple.

"Easy now beautiful. I'm not finished with you... and you... I know you. You... your that kid."

"My name is Yuki Eiri."

"Yes you. You stole his name."

"Yes. After I killed him."

"He's lying," Tohma said, desperate. "I killed him. Don't listen to him."

But the man was uninterested in Tohma for the moment.

"Why? I thought you loved him." Tohma struggled to free himself, but the man only held tighter to his neck and Tohma felt himself growing dizzy with the lack of blood. "Why would you kill the man you loved?"

"He's lying. I killed him. I killed him!" Tohma gasped out. "Eiri! Don't!"

"Enough Tohma." The writer's eyes pierced right through Tohma, silencing his protests. "I won't let you sacrifice yourself to this man." He turned back to the man. "Yes I thought I loved him... until he gang raped me."

The man's eyes widened.

"You're lying."

"Eiri..." Tohma whispered, his eyes were moist and he looked down, remembering his own pain.

"Oh you think so? Would you like the details? How he got drunk, and then offered me to his friends. How they held me down while they did what they wanted to me? Took my virginity at 16? Revenge is something I understand well. They were about to have a go round again, when I grabbed a gun and shot them all. I don't remember how now. I don't remember much of anything." Tohma could see this was painful for Eiri and it shattered him inside. He wanted to keep Eiri from that pain. But Eiri's fists were clenched and he was determined to get it said. He raised his eyes and stared straight at the man. "But I do remember killing them. So if you're going to shoot anyone, it should be me."

"No!" Tohma struggled again, but the man was already raising his gun to point at the writer. "Tohma struggled even harder, when he was hit from the side by another form. sprawling on the ground, he could see the gun sliding away from them on the floor. As he turned, he stared in shock. Sitting on top of the kidnapper was Sakuma Ryuichi. His eyes were cold and hard and he cranked hard on the man's arm, forcing him into the ground. The man screamed.

"No! No! Let me go! I'll kill you all! I'll kill you all!"

With almost super human strength, he shoved Ryuichi off of him and into the side of the crate. The metal echoed loudly as Ryuichi's head made contact.

"Ryuichi!" Tohma crawled to him.

The American in the meantime pushed himself up, only to face the barrel of his own gun in the hands of Yuki Eiri. He froze.

"I don't think so. This time, I know exactly what I'm doing."

Tohma stared in surprise. Ryuichi in the meantime pulled his cellphone out of his pocket and dialed, even as he daubed the blood off the back of his head. Tohma helped him to sit against the wall and ran his hand through the man's hair.

"K. It's all clear." Ryuichi said darkly.

With that about 10 men stormed in armed, and took the man down, handcuffing him. The sounds of their boots and voices echoing in the small compartment made it hard to hear, but Ryuichi and Tohma stared at each other. The singer moved a shaky hand to touch Tohma's hair, before giving him a cheeky grin. Tohma laughed and then he was kissing him... hard, his hand still cradled at the back of the man's head. Ryuichi sighed and brought his arms around the blond man. Tohma pulled away.

"How did you know where I was?"

"I followed you. I told you. I won't let you do this alone anymore."

* * *

In the ambulance, the paramedics examined Tohma, Shuichi and Ryuichi, declaring them to be healthy enough to go home without a hospital visit. Shuichi had a blanket around his shoulders and leaned heavily against his lover, who held him gently, talking softly to him.

Ryuichi had his head wrapped in bandages and managed to make it look fashionable anyway. Three police and 2 nurses had already begged for his autograph, which he gave happily.

K shut the doors on the police car containing the murderer and watched it drive away. He approached the four of them.

"Well you should be proud of yourselves. You managed to catch a psychopathic serial killer."

All four stared.

"No way!" Shuichi said shakily. "Who was he?"

Apparently he's been missing for 3 years, but he was a resident at the Manhattan Psychiatric hospital. It was located on Ward Island, right by where we first stayed in New York. He literally had a view into the park where your hotel was. That's how he was able to see Yuki Kitazawa. He obsessed over the man, which he tended to do with his victims. However he was in the hospital, when Kitazawa died. He never got to realize his fantasy to kill the man. Without his intended victim, he transferred his obsession to you for whatever reason, Tohma.

"I see." Tohma said quietly. "So he never even knew Yuki Kitazawa."

"No," K replied. "Tohma," he said with some authority, sparing a glance for Yuki Eiri as well. "He was an obsessive compulsive killer who murdered 3 other people after stalking them for years. He does this by weaving intricate stories inside his head of how he knew his victims."

K put a hand on Yuki's shoulder. "That means that nothing he says can be believed. Whatever happened in New York back then, will remain there. So leave it at that."

Yuki sighed shakily and Shuichi clutched his hand tighter.

"Thank you, K," Tohma said quietly, "For so many things."

"It's time to move on."

Ryuichi hiccuped and they all looked at him. Giant tears were beginning to form in his eyes.

"Mou, I forgot about Kuma chan!!!! He's been alone all this time! We have to go get him Tohma! He'll be so mad! We have to buy him cotton candy now or he'll never forgive us Na no da!!!"

Tohma laughed as some of the seriousness was lifted from the evening.

"Does anyone know where we can get Cotton Candy at 2 in the morning?"

"Wai! Shuichi kun! Let's have a cotton candy party at Tohmas! It's too late to sleep ne?"

Shuichi smiled and turned to Yuki. "Can we?"

Yuki took out a cigarette and lit it.

"Do what you want. I suppose I can use Tohma's office to get some writing done."

Shuichi and Ryuichi happily climbed inside of Yuki's car. While they were preoccupied, the remaining blonds were left. K eyed them seriously.

"K... how much do you know? About..."

"A lot more than either of you give me credit for."

Tohma snorted. "I should have known."

"I admit you were lucky. This all could have been exposed. As it is, they'll never believe a word he says. I have a few friends in high places that can make the talk go away. But for now, you're all heroes. It'll be great for publicity. But there is one more thing. I still have Tachi Aizawa in a holding cell."

"You what?" Tohma asked curiously, as he hadn't heard anything about this yet.

"We suspected him, as he was found at your concert with a gun. I assume you'll want to press charges?"

Tohma sighed. "Leave it. I won't press charges. He has a reason for it. As an act of charity, NG Studios will pay for his hospitalization and his psychiatric help."

"Inpatient, I assume?"

Tohma nodded. "Of course."

As K walked away, Tohma approached Yuki slowly, pulling the cigarette out of his mouth and pulling the writer close. Yuki for his part simply relaxed into his ex brother in law's arms, sighing heavily.

"I'm tired, Tohma." He said quietly.

"So am I. But you're right about one thing, Eiri."

"What?"

"I think... I think the wounds are finally ready to heal. They are our redemption, Yuki. They will be our healers. All we need to provide is the cotton candy."

Yuki snorted and Tohma smiled gently.

"Let's go home."

* * *

End – Wow. It's finally finished after years of me ignoring it. Like I said, it's forced and not all I would have wanted, but I'm okay with it. At least it's done. I may write one more lemony epilogue before moving on. Thanks to all of you for your kind reviews and for sticking with it. I hope it meets your expectations.

Caer


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